It still feels like a dream.

I'm desperately searching for words as to how I'm feeling. I'm trying really hard to get out what I'm going through. Not necessarily in words but I just want to sort it out in my head.
How do you go to a place for 3 months and meet people that changed your life in ways you couldn't imagine and then come home and face the reality that you may never see them again.

I really want to go back to Kippewa.

and I get it, that makes no sense to some people. I was paid less than 2 dollars an hour (if I'm generous with math). I worked over 48 hours with a 1 hour break on multiple occasions. I went through some of the hardest days of my life at camp, because of camp, because of the nature of camp.

and yet here I am.

Back to the blog because that is the only place I have been entirely honest about my feelings this whole time. I have written in journals and talked to people and poured over my pictures trying to make sense of it all but I just can't. It stills feel like a dream. No matter what I do.

  

So, how was camp?

This whole thing is a funny business. You live somewhere for 3 months and when you come back no one understands. Not a single person "gets" what you just survived. And it's funny because you sit in your quiet room on your laptop with a cell phone sitting next to you and anything you want or need within your home AND you have the time and energy to go and get it... but you'd rather be at Kippewa.

You would rather have 10 munchkins fighting for your attention and not a moment of silence or rest. You would rather be teaching lessons in the gross, cold lake than sit in one more class. And it's funny because you don't remember the lake as gross or cold and you don't remember the kids as needy and loud. You remember your co-counselors and getting back to your bunk at 1 in the morning to a duct-taped cookie and a hilariously cruel note. You remember when one of your kids comes and sits on your bed and tells you about a book they're reading or what their parents are like.

You remember all these things but no one else does.

That's why sometimes Kippewa feels like a dream. No matter how many stories you tell, they'll never understand.

And fellow Kippy girls, help me with this one; how do you respond when someone asks,

"So, how was camp?"

Because I can't get my response beyond a huge smile and

"It was quite the adventure."

Maine was all I wanted and more. It was a home for 11 weeks. I made life long friends there and the thought of not seeing them again is leaving a ache in my heart.

I am exhausted and drained of everything. I'm also incredibly happy and not just because I'm home but because I know I accomplished something great. Something that not everyone could do. It was tough, it was hard and yet here I am thinking about next summer and going back. I'm also thinking about the girls that I have met this summer. The people that have changed my life. Kippewa means the world to me now. It's not because this summer was all rainbows and butterflies and that every moment I loved it. Instead it's because walking away from Kippewa was one of the most difficult things ever. It's the silliest place on Earth. It's a bubble of ridiculous. Sometimes it's a bubble you can't escape and something you try to hide from or get space from but you always seem to want to be back inside that bubble (and sometimes you don't). Nowhere else in the world is it socially acceptable to stand on benches and sing Hey Juliet. It's not socially acceptable to randomly break out in dance because you are bored or the person you are with is bored and you need to entertain them.

There were also hard days. Terrible days. Days when I couldn't remember why I went. Times when I didn't want to sing and dance just to cheer a kid up because I wanted to sit and cry with them. Days when I consoled a homesick child for hours when I would have given anything to see my parents. Hours when you help a co-counselor in a time of need when you felt like you already had too much weighing on you. Moments when you were never by yourself but you felt so alone. Yet, here I am sitting in my room, in my home and all I want to do is talk to Elisa. I want to hug Lauren. I want to walk down to the lake and see Katie, Lindsey and Sian. I want to tell Natasha about my day. I want to giggle with Jade. I want to eat in the lodge and listen to the kids mindless chatter. I want to fall asleep to the sound of Maine.

It's good to be home but it's see you later, not goodbye.

Kids change everything

Quick update.
For mom: I have a bunch of bumps and bruises because I always have been clumsy and being at camp has not stopped that. I got a fairly bad set of scrapes down my leg during orientation a week ago and they are still there so I think they will scar but that's my own fault. My legs will be eternally bruised no matter where I am.

Moving on, the kids are here and it is a whole new ballgame. It's absolutely nuts. I work for about 15 hours a day. It's so hard to explain because if you called me all I would want to do is complain about how hard the day has been and what my difficult child kept doing. However, I love my kids to pieces. They all have such strong and different personalities. It's so rewarding to do swimming especially because it is boiling here. In between classes I always jump in the lake to cool down. The kids always come back for shower hour completely drenched in sweat. It's kinda nasty but also the girls are just plain exhausted that it works out in our favor.

I wrote in my diary that the only way to explain why it's so difficult is to put it this way... In 3 days I was placed in an arranged marriage with 2 girls, we moved in together, adopted 8 kids, and then kept full time jobs at the same time.

Meals are interesting. If I was to talk about them it would turn into a rant. Short version: we got 8 chicken nuggets to feed 11 people. This repeats with every meal just the food changes. However, the meals are a lot of fun and the kids are getting into the songs and dances.

Thursday is a beach day so I'm very excited to get off camp, even though the kids will be there.

See you soon!

Camp Orientation

I feel like I should post but I don't really have much to say so we will see how this goes.
We are still in the middle of orientation... I think orientation is about 6 days long but I haven't taken the time to count. Right now they are just trying to get to know us and place us in bunks and with cos. (cos= co counselors). It's difficult to sit through this because I really just want to go home and hug everyone, sit in my room alone, and then come back refreshed and ready for the kids. That's obviously not going to happen so Natasha and I have just been getting off of camp most nights just to get a breath of fresh air.

There are good parts of orientation though,

• getting to know everyone
• making it all more real
• becoming prepared for the kids and all the situations that will occur
• there is down time in the evenings, which is AWESOME
• we are learning all the dances and songs at meals which is a bit of culture shock but really fun
• creating supplementary bonds with people, does that make sense? was that the right word usage? I mean that I've found people that can, not necessarily fill the holes, cover up the holes that my family can't fill right now. that sounds weird and dramatic
• I got to skype Lauren for a little speck of time

We kinda just go go go all day in order to pack all the info they can into the few days we have. 

One thing that has happened is that we have something called lost swimmer procedure. It's the procedure that happens with we lose a swimmer at waterfront, mind blowing I know. Anywho, us swimmers have been practicing it forever now but today we preformed it in front of the rest of camp so they get the idea. In a real lost swimmer situation everyone on camp would run down and strip down and help us. It's really crazy to think about and it hasn't really really bothered me until today. Our waterfront director really made it seem real and she asked us swimmers to go to the deep water and search. So we were goofing off waiting and then she turned around and screamed "I NEED DIVERS." It was insanely realistic. My heart was pounding for hours afterward. Anyways, that's something that's really hard to think about but apparently we did a fantastic job and made it a little more understandable for all the other counselors. sooooo yay? 

we have a half day off tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!1

I think that's all for now. good night!!

see you soon

Here is my very quick update because people need the computer. I am alive and well. Super bruised and cut up but that is because I'm clumsy. Orientation started and it's crazy busy. I'll update more later. I didn't get sunday meeting but we have wednesday afternoon off. I'M SO EXCITEDDDDDD!

I've gotten really close to some girls which is really exciting.

A little explanation

Today we went into the lake. It was raining the whole time and was about 40 degrees. It was miserable and I had muscle cramps from shivering for hours afterward.

But here's the thing. It's really hard to explain why I still say that being here is really fun. Today was awful and miserable but I loved being with the people. It's really difficult to be mad at these people because you have to live with them and you can't leave.

We also just went through lifeguard training and you spend 6 hours in a pool together, rescuing each other, body against body. You just become really close really really really fast.

So I guess what I'm saying is that while it is really hard and really frustrating sometimes I still love it and it's still a lot of fun. Thanks for all the comments and texts and messages they really do make me smile.

We are back in the lake tomorrow so wish me luck!

See you soon!

day... who knows?

I'm super exhausted and if I talk about everything I've done in the past few days I just become more tired. There are lots of stories but they don't matter now... I'm officially a certified lifeguard!!! That's all that matters.

We smashed  all the material into a few days so that we could get sunday off. It was fantastic. I got to go to meeting in the morning and lunch with the Mousseaus. When I got back to camp one of the girls and I just hung out and did her laundry. It wasn't anything special but after the 5 days I've just had it was fantastic.

Tomorrow I start WSI swimming training. This involves more really long days and hard training but after that is done I will be done with all hard training and the fun orientation can begin.

Today was the first day that I felt homesick and it hit hard. So hard. I just wanted to be home and with my family. It was really hard to make that drive back to camp. Tomorrow will be better when I'm busy again and can't think about home. Miss you all!

See you soon!

Day 2

Today was absolutely exhausting. You will think that I am exaggerating the whole way through this post but I assure you, I am not. Also bed is calling my name so it's unlikely that this will be too long.

 Last night was rough. I couldn't fall asleep because my mind would not shut down. A girl got in at 11PM last night and they turned on the lights and asked me some questions about where she was sleeping. Then I woke up really early because the cabin is full of windows so the sun came right on through. also, IT WAS SO FLIPPIN COLD! I only had a sheet, bedspread, and a blanket on it and I have two more blankets that I didn't think I needed.

 I needed them.

 This morning all the waterfront staff went straight from breakfast to the local Y and everyone had to swim a 200yd front crawl a 200 breast stroke and a 150 of either stroke. After we finished those we had to tread water for 2 mins without arms. Then we had to swim to a brick 20 yards away and retrieve it and then swim it back on our backs. The last test was a 3 plates test. There were 3 plates put at 5 yds, 10 yds, and 15 yds and we had to push off from the wall and get them all in one breath.

 phew.

 We moved on to lifeguarding skills after that. We took a 15 min break for lunch and then went back to the pool for 4 more hours. We went back to the camp and had a 15 min break to... put on real clothes and go to the bathroom and get out of swimsuits

In case you were wondering this is camp. My cabin
for now is right behind the one on the left. It's gorgeous!

 We had class until supper and then a class after supper. I think this feels more like school than Purdue ever did :P

 It was really hard to do all of this and get to know everyone and their NAMES! for the love of everything I can't get them right.

 Well, I'm off to find all the blankets at the camp and SLEEP!

See you soon!

Day 1.5

I figure I should post now before training starts tomorrow at 8 AM. We got a schedule that lasts until Sunday so I've got a little idea what is going on. So starting tomorrow here is our schedule 8:00 breakfast 8:30 training 12:00 lunch 12:30 training 6:30 dinner 7:15 training reading assignments or hanging out or sleeping after that When I got here a girl named Katie, from Connecticut, followed me down the driveway with her parents and we were whisked away to put our stuff in the bunk and there we found Samantha. She was taking a nap because she had a red eye from Los Angeles. The three of us got a tour from a camp leader, Laura, with Katie's parents. We are all 3 waterfront, Katie is also a swim instructor and Samantha is teaching waterski/wakeboarding. We've kinda figured everything out together because this is all of our first summers. So far it's been pretty good and very relaxed. We just walked around until supper and met a TON of people. The most overwhelming part right now is probably the uncertainty of what these days are going to be like and also I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYONE'S NAME!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh. well I should let someone else use the internet cable so see you soon!

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Day 1

Let's start this thing out with a little clarification...

I AM NOT A GOOD WRITER!

I can get my point across and I've worked with blogger before but in no way will these posts blow your mind because I'm so eloquent.
Also, I'm missing my O key so if you see typos that should explain it. If that doesn't explain it see previous caveat (was that the right use of caveat? ehhhhhhhh just go with it).

Now to the good stuff, I start this afternoon at Camp Kippewa. I've already toured it with my lovely mom and that really calmed some of my fears. I'm really anxious right now and it's finally sunk in that all my family is 20 hours away and I won't see them for awhile. sooo that's super fun.
I'll be working as a swim instructor the majority of the day but I'll also be a counselor of a slew of kids. I don't know too much right now but later this week I'll probably be able to post more details or a schedule or something.
For the next two weeks all the waterfront staff will be receiving training and certification and then the rest of the staff will arrive and we will have a 3 day orientation to get to know everyone and then the kids show up and.... well i don't know. I guess that's when the fun starts :)

see you soon!